Letting Go
There was a lot of feelings in this journey from myself, my husband and other people. I think a lot of people who go through long term medical things face this.
In 2021, I embarked on a road trip to clear my head. I needed to let go of feelings from other people in this journey that weren't mine to own. They never were. I needed to be alone to process it all. It was a solitary journey with God, nature, my journal and Luna our dog. You loose a lot of friendships through illness and I've heard others talk about this. It hurts but I needed to let all those feelings go. If I was to heal then I had to get my head straight. My husband had called and I was in my 6th state and he asked if I had gotten my breakthrough. I told him I thought by then I would and I was afraid it wasn't coming. I wasn't even listening to music, I need all the headspace to clear out my headspace. I was walking beaches at sunrise, in the middle of the day and at sunset. Yet even with all that open sky I felt as if I couldn't let "it" go.
It was in the Redwoods of California at my campsite where it finally came to me. My fire was going and I was starring deep into it. I looked over to see this huge massive redwood that had fallen next to me. I thought ha! Look at that, how many years did it take to be so giant?! Then I looked up. Those trees I was sitting under had been there for thousands, millions of years. My life was like a flicker of the fire. What the hell was I doing holding onto everyone else's baggage? When I drove out of the redwoods that next day I left all the baggage there. I was lighter, I was free. If my life is a flicker of light I don't have any time for holding on to other people's emotional things. That is for them to process, not me.
The best part was Jay flew in after that and joined me. We had an amazing time. The California time we always had dreamed of - adventures, many adventures.