Each one of these photographs has a moment. A moment I needed to see hope, feel peace - I was searching.
Bear Lake in the Rocky Mountain National park my family and I were walking around the lake. I could hear families laughing across the way. My family had just had one of those moments that you experience when you have a parent going through the onset of dementia. One that your loved one says something out of the blue and people look at you. I needed this moment to just sit for a second to realize it was special our Dad was with us. This is the moment I chose to not wish things were changing but to embrace every change and love my Dad even more. I named this photograph "A Moment I'll Hold Forever". This was the last hike my Dad would go on with us.
CA Coast. This was a big one. My hives had started out of nowhere. We had just moved to CA with California dreams! Jay had taken a new job, we had bought a house, my hives came from nowhere and fast. We had just met with the who's who specialist and he said "Move. Move back to Colorado." Jay and I were driving in the rain talking, at moments it was tense. How could it not be? There was a lot we had dreamed of doing and it was being ripped away without our choice. We were driving down the coast of CA talking it out. The rainy weather was reflecting our mood. We love driving down random roads. We took one and it took us straight to the coast. We walked out in the rain and hugged. I was praying God would give me a sign, something to show me there is hope in this. The rain stopped but for a brief moment. I ran and grabbed my camera. I knew in days to come I would need this photograph "A Moment of Hope" that looked like a painting in my life. This photograph has brought me the deepest sense of peace.
"A Winter's Kiss" I had been inside for what seemed like forever. Away from everyone, everything, the sun, all the seasons came and went. Then winter. My body's best friend. I woke up and we had the most beautiful frost. I grabbed my camera and ran outside. Even if I was somewhat alone, resting more than I wanted to - there was this quietness that blanketed the air. It was sweet, it was soft and gentle. Just like nature had come by and kissed everything. I realized how much there was to this time of healing. A time I probably would have ran out the door bundled up to go to work. In this time of healing I got to see, really see the beauty in this moment.
"Rest" and "It's Okay" are both images that I needed to remind myself it was okay to rest. A girl who was always x1000 rest isn't something I easily embraced. There was a lot of mental work through this journey that I needed to do. I needed these to remind me it was okay to stop that resting is what was going to heal me.
"Life" this photograph was one of the very first photographs I took moving back to our house in Colorado. I was alone for a few months while Jay wrapped up things. I had spent time in the mountains to recover in the cold. The hives went away. I was unpacking all the boxes. I woke up and it had rained. I thought how many times I have I not appreciated the magic of a raindrop. The life that it brings to everything around it. Maybe in some ways I was feeling like I too was getting my life back.
"You Got This" Oh man did I need this reminder! My little sister and I had tried to climb this CO 14ner outside of Leadville a few times. It had always evaded us with storms. Our family was going camping and I saw this image behind me and had to stop. I edited this photograph after I had gotten sick. I was thinking if I keep seeing that enormous mountain and all the storms I will never make it. If I focus on the goal, the top then I will make it. Now I have yet to make the top of that peak it really was for the mental place I was in. I had been told "worse case 3 years" for my body to reset. That seemed like eternity for a girl who can't sit still. Now I know it was going to be a lot longer than 3 years but at the time I needed a mental shift. If I was going to make that 3 years I needed to stop looking at the "whole mountain" I just needed to focus on the top. I would get there but I wasn't if I kept thinking it was impossible.
"Tiny Gifts" I may die from getting the perfect snowflake photograph. I have "Snowflake Bentley's" snowflake chart on my wall. I watch the weather temperatures and know when those tiny gifts of pure perfection will be falling. This one got hung up on a spider's silk. I got lucky on that one! Now I wish I could just spin silk for every snowflake! This moment was one that just made me realize God's got me. If he can be this detailed about this tiny little thing then he has a plan for me, I just had to be patient and wait.
"Time for Reflection" I have journaled since I was 8 years old. I reflect a lot. This fall in particular I was asking what now, what's next. One of my Drs had asked me "Mindy what if you don't get answers?" I replied "We didn't used to fly in planes or have light bulbs but we do now. Maybe they don't know the answers (the Drs) but it doesn't mean it can't be found." I sat at the lake a long time because I was asking myself if I would be okay with never knowing. The answer was, I wasn't. I knew I wasn't ready to throw in the towel and say okay this is it.
"For My Sister" I was really bad at the end of May 2019. I had lost over 30lbs in the span of weeks. I wasn't retaining water, food my body was shutting down. My Dr said if I didn't leave I would be in the hospital next probably intubated they had nothing left to give me and my body wasn't responding. I wasn't telling my family how bad it really was. I was doing video documentaries incase I didn't make it through. I wanted to leave my family with my voice to the end. Sounds odd right? I know. I suppose in someways all I saw was there had to be a way to get better, my marriage, we stood to loose a lot of money that could take away everything we had worked for, we had just bought a house, and my husband stood to loose a lot with work and a friendship. There were so many justifications going on in my head. I wanted to say "come save me" but I couldn't it would ruin so many things for other people. My little sister flew in for a visit. I woke up the next morning to her telling Jay and I she was leaving with me the next day. Rebekah had talked with my brother-in-law who immediately canceled her flight out of California and rebooked her a flight from Denver. That way she could drive me back to Colorado. Rebekah later told me that she had stayed up all night crying, she had never thought I could be such a shell of a person. I didn't fully acknowledge it later either until I saw the videos. If it wasn't for my sister I don't know if I would have made it out of California. I needed her, she saved me. Rebekah and I both share the deep love for the woods and I took this for her. It makes my heart sing every time this print sells. Oh and yes I have done a lot of work on boundaries since I was in California. Had I asked for help earlier my recovery may not have been so brutally long.